yours + mine = ours

This has been on my heart for awhile now and I have sat down to write this blog probably 5 times with uncertainty on how to approach this.  However, you know I like to keep it real and over the past few years, I've seen blended families struggling just as we did & I want to share what I believe helped get us over those weird, uncharted...bumps.

I can sit here and be completely honest with you, blending a family has been absolutely the hardest thing I think I've gone through.  There is this whole murkiness that you don't really consider when getting into a relationship with someone so there were moments that I thought we just wouldn't get past.  The power struggles, the give & take and the actual "getting ya hands dirty" type of work seemed unfair, unbelievable and unrealistic.  But through every single step we navigated, we stayed intentional and PRAYED.

When bringing two individuals with kids from another relationship, there are already well established roles in the two families, firm parenting principles and high expectations.  And your way is best, right? You have to let all of that go.  The struggle comes from trying to impose what you have already solidified previously.

However, what you now have is an entirely different "substance" and it should be treated as such.

I also want to point out the toxicity of the "yours, mine & ours" conversations that I think most blended families engage in at some point.  In the moment, explaining that he came in with a kid, I came in with a kid and then we had one together seems like the most logical way to express your story but it's actually divisive.  When you make the decision to blend, you're making the commitment to take on all family members fully as your own - the good, the bad, the ugly and the unexpected (because I promise, it won't be what you expect).  When we create a clear separation, we are inhibiting the development of strong relationships.  People (especially children) know when you're not committed to bonding with them.

Embrace the "ours," communicate and compromise to write your brand new blended story!  Sounds simple, right? It's not at all and I'm here to tell you that it's ok for it to be hard.  Being hard doesn't mean it's wrong.  Lean heavily on God and keep him at the center...He has already worked this all out even when we can't begin to imagine what the end result will look like.

After almost 10 years, we have worked out the major wrinkles.  Of course there are still hiccups but we have learned how to operate as "ours" and "His."

p s a l m 4 7 : 1

February 2, 2020:

Today is the 21st day! We have not watched one ounce of television for 21 days & I was *mostly successful on keeping social media for work/Embrace Grace!

Tom & I both agreed today that we have seen a positive change in everyone since detoxing from media so we are going to stay intentional about keeping the use at a minimum.

A few times, it felt like an absolute punishment to us because the boys were looking to us for entertainment...😏.  Something I am going to try to implement during the weekend is that each day (Saturday & Sunday) we have 1 quiet hour...where we all retreat to our own space and quietly engage in something creative.  I am a firm believer in kids figuring out what to do when they're bored and now that I've realized just how much we fight that boredom with media, I want to make sure my kiddos are tapping in to other parts of their brain.

I started a devotional plan on the YouVersion Bible App called "Reclaiming Social Media" and it ended today.  I wanted to share a snippet from today's devotion:
          "God has gifted human beings with a curious spirit.  We are driven to know things.  But if the Fall of Man proved anything, it's that sometimes this curiosity can be dangerous.  When we let curiosity become an uncontrolled and consuming flame, it burns us.  And with social media, it can hurt our joy."...."We can start engaging social media with a sense of purpose, only seeking the information that will benefit us & glorify God.  in doing so, we can spend more time on mission with God, and less time envying His creation."

Yesterday's devotion worded something pretty intensely & had a big impact on me: "We are in a moment 100% of the time.  We can make something of it and glorify God through it.  Or, we can escape and scroll through social media to heal our boredom."  BOOM.

PS. The first show (after the first half of the super bowl) that I put on is Grey's Anatomy and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT KAREV'S DEPARTURE 😡

Psalm 47:10

Clap your hands, all you people! Shout joyfully to God with a joyous shout!

e p h e s i a n s 6 : 1 2

January 29 & 30, 2020:

Yesterday, I learned that Jude is a snitch and has no loyalty to his mama.  Yesterday, I also got pulled over by a state trooper on 17 heading back home from Bealeton.  Luckily, I had already confessed my sin to Tom before Jude had an opportunity to blast me but he kept saying "I just have never seen anyone get a ticket before." 🙄  Thankfully, y'all already know the amount of grace Tom constantly pours out on me - he was so chill about it!

Jude and I raced from the car to the side door when we got home.  I may or may not have pushed him out of the way as he tried to sneak past me after I unlocked the door - but homeboy straight up told Tom that I pushed him down when I thought we were racing but we really weren't....sore loser 😂.

We were successful in cleaning his disaster of a room though! It goes by so much faster when you give them a specific task to do instead of just saying "go clean your room" because they don't know where to start.  So we started by "picking up all your shoes & putting them in your wooden closet" then I would check.  Then "put all your books on the shelf", "put your stuffed animals on the bed", etc. until it was all cleaned!  He earned a marshmallow for each task completed and it was a much calmer experience than usual.  I learned this awhile ago when Zach was a toddler but with the third, I just don't have the patience or time to go through it step by step.  Clearly, I need to slow down & make the time.  He even commented on how we should do it that way from now on (without me even explaining that we were doing something different...he realized on his own).

Today, Thursday, the family as a whole was feeling overwhelmingly over scheduled.  So we ditched all of our normal Thursday routine and all went to the WARF!  We had been contemplating a way to be intentionally active with our busy schedules & brainstorming what we all enjoy doing and that is definitely swimming.  Each one of us loves being in the water and the aquatic center isn't that far so we made the decision to just do it.  They have all the typical fitness classes but also aqua zumba and some other aquatic fitness classes!  IDK why it's taken us this long - we've already used it 3 times and we just signed up this past Saturday and we plan to go tomorrow, Saturday & Sunday!

Even though I got pulled over, the past two days have been incredible!

Lord, help me to remember that there is a spiritual battle going on all the time where the enemy just wants us to be isolated, frustrated & hurting.  Help give me the understanding of those moments so that I can claim authority over those situations instead of falling prey to them.

Ephesians 6:12

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the 

unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly 

places.

r o m a n s 1 2 : 2

January 28, 2020:

I feel very restless today.  Without purpose.  Without direction.  I sit here with blank thoughts and uncertainty.  I know it's a mood but there's some truth at its root.  For the first time...probably ever, I'm not working toward an earthly goal of advancement and I'm not sure what to do with that.

I googled "mellow Christian music" to help me chill my spazz and a playlist on Spotify popped up.  I didn't pay attention to the lyrics of the second song at first and was about to skip it when I realized he was singing: "I give myself away, so You can use me" repeatedly.  I replayed the song again and the tears just started coming.  So now it's on repeat and has played 5 times now.  This song is my prayer tonight.  Lord use me for your will and show me what that looks like (a flashing billboard would be great 😉) 💗

I Give Myself Away - William McDowell

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Here I am
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

I give myself away (I want to be use by you)
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

I give myself away (I give myself away)
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away (I give myself away)
I belong to you I give myself away
(I give myself away)
So You can use me
Lord I give myself away I give myself away (my mind doesn't belong to me) I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Oh oh my life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own (my life is not my own) it belongs to you
To you I belong (so I give myself)
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)

I give myself away
My life is not my own
To you I belong (I give myself away)
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)

I give myself away (my life is not my own)
To you I belong (I give myself away)
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)

p s a l m s 1 9 : 1 4

January 25-27th

I'm going to try to make this as quick and painless as possible for my 2 followers 😂.  The 25th was m i s e r a b l e at first.  Girl problems & I almost had to cancel on my girl Lita.  I've shared this before but I have endometriosis and I'm certain that I'm reaching the level of severity it was when I had my lap procedure before getting pregnant with Jude.  I know I need to go back and visit the doctor but 1. I would like a new OBGYN (any reccs?)  2. Doctors give me anxiety 3. Making phone calls to set up things gives me anxiety 😑.

Anyhow, about an hour before Lita was to pick me up it eased up enough to walk around & finally pack.  We headed up to DC and checked in at The Mayflower Hotel which has such cool history, click here if history is your thing!  They took signatures from all of the famous people who have stayed there & turned it into wallpaper - pretty cool! In the pics below you can see JFK & Walt Disney!

We were there to shoot a corporate event & I have to say - they're my most favorite photography gig! Everyone is so fun and there's always good music lol!  The event didn't end until midnight and once we got to our room, cleaned up & decompressed, it was after 2am before I fell asleep.

So Sunday, I spent the whole day recovering...because I'm late 30s now and apparently, that'll do it!

Today was great!  Jude & I had staff meeting and then we ran errands.  During our errands though, we encountered a large family...approximately 6 kids the mom & the grandma.  The adults seemed a little flustered and I obviously do not know how their day had been going but I heard the grandma look at her grandson (approximately 9 or 10) who was fiddling with some sort of drink and asked "WHAT the hell are you doing?" loudly & without shame.  It got me wondering if she's willing to go there in public, what kind of things are said in private and then God reminded me of the exact reason I'm praying & fasting this time around.  He reminded me that I have my own struggles with harshness  and my own personal reasons behind why that had become my instinctive response.  He showed me a grandma that was hurting.  Hurt people hurt people, Jessie.  I had a revelation that God isn't just working on my knee jerk reactions, He's taking me deeper to the root of the hurt and revealing more to me that everyone has a story.  He knows that story and He knows that struggle and He loves us even with our faults.

Today, He turned my judgment into a prayer. (That's grace). A prayer for that grandma but also a prayer for myself.  I pray that whatever hurts or hangups we're stuck on that each and every time we go to God with our struggles instead of relying on just ourselves.  I pray that whatever those things are that fester inside of us be healed in His name.  I pray a releasing from them so that we not pass on a generation of hurt.  

Then tonight, as I was pulling up the verse...

Psalms 19:14

"may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD."

2 c h r o n i c l e s 7 : 1 4

January 24, 2020:

There was so little excitement during my day, I almost didn't blog.  For sure, this will be the most boring of all posts 😂.

I went into the office today and it was a pretty normal day.  A little grey & gloomy which didn't help my desires to nap but overall I had a great day.  Lots of good conversation & enjoyment from the awesome people I work with!

Today was the March for Life in DC.  In fact, this year both the DC & Richmond marches are being held on my only two office days (Thursday & Friday).  I was a little bummed not to go but in reality, I didn't want to go in to DC at all.  I watched what I could from IG stories and I love the energy the marchers brought to the movement!

It also got me thinking, just about people.  I have never deleted or unfollowed someone or ended a friendship because they believed differently than I do.  I feel like typically, most of the people I know can function in a healthy friendship with people who do not agree with them.  However, as I look back (and glance forward), I see a lot of people that I once highly respected are removing people from their life just because they can't see a post with a difference of belief.  Don't be like them.  Be kind.  Be open-minded.  Be. a. friend.

Lord, I pray that you heal not only our land, but our hearts.  Help us to tear down our own walls & come together with one another.

2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people who belong to me will humbly pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.

p s a l m s 1 1 1 : 7

January 23, 2020:

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and you can almost immediately tell that it should be a day of hanging out in your bed...alone...because you just know, everything will be off/go wrong?  That was my morning this morning.

If you haven't gathered by now, I absolutely detest mornings.  They're even worse when they have to start in the pitch dark - aka in the middle of the night.  I stumbled out of bed this morning and went to brush my teeth and somehow, flicked toothpaste right into my eye.  If you have ever wondered, "does toothpaste burn your eye?" well I can confidently answer "yes" to that for you.

It continued with a million inconveniences: used conditioner first instead of shampoo; forgetting stuff for the day & having to go back home; not finding a convenient parking spot and then having to wait to get out of the car because a kid was hanging out in the car beside us with his door open, oblivious of our attempts to communicate; comcast having a massive internet outage 👎

Inconveniences USED to be how I would lose my cool and spiral into a ragey tantrum.  Thankfully, God delivered me from that - but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed with how my day started.

But, these are the days though that I still either think "man, I must be doing this all on my own...no way God has arranged all this mess" or "ok God, we both know the type of person I am, I mean...you did create me...there's no need to test me to see if I've changed" 😏

All the mess continued and by the end of the day, it was trying to keep me from being excited about my mom group starting back up.  For a moment, I seriously contemplated going back home because I had had enough.  Our group is named "Struggle to Juggle" and surely I wouldn't get any judgements from them if I were absent tonight.  But, I decided that my desire to see them and connect outweighed my annoyance so I headed back down to the offices and I am SO glad I did!

We had a couple of new faces and many regulars but everyone jumped right in like we had been meeting all along.  Through a series of God-orchestrated events for many in our group, the Bible study we landed on is Trustworthy by Lysa TerKeurst.  One of the online components was finding out your Trust Score by getting one point for each 'yes' to these questions:

1. You love God, but find yourself resisting Him in some ways.
2. When your life doesn’t go as planned, you worry or try to fix things yourself.
3. You have a hard time thanking God for your trials.
4. The last time you knew God wanted you to do something, you did something else. 
5. You give God options to choose from to resolve the struggles you may have.
6. You have followed a friend’s advice about a problem before praying about it.
7. You feel a disconnect between the faith you want and the one you live out.
8. You sing and quote verses on the outside, but then still find yourself exhausted, anxious and heavily burdened on the inside.

Ya'll...number 8 is 100% me and I realized, that I am not fully trusting Him with all the cruddy inconveniences too.  I'm holding on to that like it's mine and mine alone but..I don't want it.  So, here I am God, teach me how to hand it over to you!  I pray that you reveal the work you're doing in my life and the lives of the moms in our group.  I pray that you show us how to trust you with the good & the bad and to help keep us from feeling anxious.

Psalms 111:7

"All he does is just and good, and all his commandments are trustworthy."

        *If you're looking for your tribe of moms who get the struggle and are completely real & raw in their conversations, I invite you to come hang with us & study along side of us as we walk together in our journey for The Lord.  Thursday evenings from 7-8:30PM at The Bridge's Connection Center.

j o s h u a 2 3 : 1 0

January 22, 2020:

I am for sure all over the place with these blog posts lol.  I thought by this point there would be a clear understanding of why I feel so strongly to blog daily during this time.  However, it is mostly just ramblings of our day.  Today, though...today is a good one.  I hope you'll stick around for it.

For most of the day, everything was just our daily routine.  Jude and I ran errands, cleaned a little of the house and got dinner started early since today was another night for me to be away.

Once dinner was done, Zach & I headed out to Walmart to grab a few things for Vertical tonight.  We beelined it directly to the two sections in the store, grabbed our stuff and was heading to check out...bing bang boom.  Except...I realized that I hadn't gone to the restroom since that morning and there was absolutely no holding it...I had to use the public restroom 💀.

I handed over the few things to Z and did my thing.  When I came out of the bathroom, I looked over to the bench I had left him on only to see our items laying there, but no Z.  A panic erupted and I glanced in front of me to get the cashier's attention and that's when I saw him.  He was assisting the cashier by bagging an elderly woman's items.  I picked up the things from the bench and got in line behind the lady and when she was done, he came over to stand beside me.  I gave him a hug & told him that was very sweet.  He whispered in my ear that she was the second lady he helped and the first lady had given him a tip and he pulled out the $5 bill 😮.

We finished checking out and talked about his experience.  He put a few carts away as we left the building 😉.

Fast forward to Vertical...Pastor Austin prayed over the offering & passed the basket around.  When it got to Z, I watched him not hesitate and put his $5 in the basket.  He looked back to see if I had saw but I quickly looked away.  He still doesn't know that I know.

At the end of the sermon, PA did an alter call as worship sang "Waymaker. Miracle Worker. Promise Keeper. Light in the Darkness. My God. That is who you are...Even when I don't see it, You're working. Even when I can't feel it, You're working. You never stop, You never stop working. You never stop, You never stop working."

Zachary went down for prayer and got on his knees.  PA went over and prayed over him and then one of Z's friends knelt down beside him and let him know that he was right beside him.  

I heard God say "It's ok.  It's all ok.  I've got it, even when you don't feel like you do." And this overwhelming peace came over me as the tears slide down my face.

I have been so intentional about changing my parenting mindset bc every single night I berate myself for the things I missed, the moments ruined or the frustrations I let take over.  I was convinced that my children would all be speaking to a therapist about me in the not so distant future.  But He's got this...and...He's got them.  Even when I didn't think I had it.  He's working, even when I don't see it.  Even when I don't feel it.  He fights for me and he fights for you.

The enemy does and will continue to throw things at us and use guilt to make us hold onto how we react/behave but listen to me because I KNOW this to be true.  God has ALREADY won and IS victorious over the enemy and that my friends, gives us authority to put the enemy in his place.  We don't have to stay dragged down.  If it's not good, then it's not done.

Joshua 23:10

A single one of you puts a thousand to flight. This is because the LORD your God fights for you, exactly as he promised you.

j a m e s 1 : 5

January 21, 2020:

I don't love the mornings, so I generally wait until the exact last minute to roll out of bed to drive Zachary to the bus stop. This morning, like most mornings, was cold and dark when I woke up.  I threw on a hoodie & sweatpants, my jacket & my Birkenstocks and entered my already warm car...ahhh because thank The Lord Jesus for remote start, honestly...where has that been all my life?? 

The alone time with Zachary has been such a good way to start my days,  I know my days with him are numbered and those days just seem to be flying at an exaggerated rate lately.  He always has an idea to share: an invention, a book he's writing, a movie he's making...always something elaborate and very creative.  This morning was no different...today, however, he asked if I always wave goodbye to him when I'm in the car.  He explained that sometimes the interior light is on and he can see that I'm waving but sometimes it's off and he wanted to know if I were still waving on those days.  I told him that I wave at him every single morning once he's sat down on the bus and he admitted that he waves at me every day too (the bus light is never on so I haven't ever seen it).  When the bus pulled up and he was walking towards it he yelled back "even if you can't see it, I will always wave at you mom" and I said "me too, dude."  

I'm certain that one day (probably pretty soon), he will be too annoyed to wave goodbye to me, so that's why I'm documenting what he said here, in black and white 😏😉.

My usual for Tuesdays is to go back home and make sure Deklan is ready for his day.  I then climb back in bed and snuggle with sleeping Jude for a bit while it's still silent & I can read/pray/breathe.  

We headed out to the bus stop for Deklan and once he was on the bus - still in my sweats and hoodie looking like I just rolled out of bed (because I actually did) - Jude & I grabbed breakfast at Chick-fil-a and headed over to my girl, Lita's house to do early morning manis!  It's so nice having people in your life who you can be completely yourself around.  I feel like for most of my life, I struggled being my true self amongst friends...in fact, I still fall back into my repressed/reserved ways whenever I'm just meeting someone or if I feel uncomfortable in any way.  I don't know what that is or why I'm just now experiencing what it feels like to be my actual self - I probably need to investigate that.

After manis, we had a Walmart grocery pick up order 🙌...life saving, I swear.  Jude helped me unload all the groceries into the house and then we fed Moo!

The rest of my afternoon/evening was spent getting prepared to launch Embrace Grace tonight! For those who haven't yet seen our posts, Embrace Grace is a national organization of small groups/ministries that provide emotional, practical, and spiritual support single pregnant women who find themselves in an unexpected pregnancy.  It was a beautiful night of introductions and testimonies!  

 

God is moving some big things, I can feel it! I can't wait to experience His activity in this arena!  Lord, I am asking big prayers tonight.  Big prayers for changed hearts on the abortion topic, asking for others to see it for what it is: an oppression of the smallest of us.  A realization that circumstances do not determine our value.  I pray that as a nation, we turn away from our selfish tendencies and see the value in choosing life...life, not just birth.  I pray that the adoption industry shift to being inclusive for the average family to be able to afford adoption without going into debt.  I pray that churches rise up to be a safe and nonjudgmental place for these young women to run to when they find out they're pregnant, instead of the last place they're welcomed because of shame and guilt.  I pray that we all feel a responsibility to life and to choose to fully support it - especially when it's messy.

James 1:5

"But anyone who needs wisdom should ask God, whose very nature is to give to everyone without a 

second thought, without keeping score. Wisdom will certainly be given to those who ask."

e p h e s i a n s 4 : 3 2

January 20, 2020:

This is day 8/21 on the prayer & fasting.  Most of the day went smoothly!  I went in to the office for meetings and then when I was done I came home to grab all 3 boys so that Tom could get some stuff done around the farm.  You know, this whole no television & device thing is great but sometimes it definitely feels like a punishment to us as parents 😆.

The boys and I went to CFC to get the special mini pig food for Moo and to see about getting a harness for her.  They didn't have any harnesses and she won't let me near her yet anyhow to measure her already chunky self! It looks like I'll be ordering the super cute ones from pigglz.com because Amazon surprisingly isn't hip in this area of product.

When I had gotten back, Tom had built in the area underneath the old chicken coop so that's where Moo is going to live.  He is the freaking man to not only allow me these wild ideas but to actually engage in manual work over them - he's a dime!

We spent some time outside even though it was extremely rude and frigid.  Moo hid under her blanket of hay all afternoon but did sneak out for a bit to eat so I snapped a couple of pics!

Also, I found out that Luna will do some pretty uncharacteristic-like stuff for some saltines! LOL!

 Jasmine, left, is dumb and got her head stuck in the gate shortly after this picture 😑. 

We chilled inside for the rest of the evening.  Some of us were reading, some of us were drawing, some of us were napping, some of us were asking every question we could think of and some of us were trying to escape the questions.

The puzzle I bought to entertain us is really hard so it's just been sitting on the coffee table.  How long is appropriate before we admit defeat and get another one? 

I also have a few Christmas decorations still up but it's too the point now where it looks normal so I don't notice it plus, I should've just put it away when I was motivated because now I'm not.

Also, I'm really sick of our boring played-out dinners.  Please give me some ideas that are nutritious but easy!

Ephesians 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I mean...thank you God.  Thank you for knowing what our struggles would be and modeling for us the way we are to behave.

c o l o s s i a n s 3 : 1 8 - 2 1

January 19, 2020:

Today was chaotic and didn't start out that great but ended up so much sweeter!  Neither Tom nor I were being our best selves and we were struggling to be team leaders.  

We each got up & had our own responsibilities at church today which meant that we were leaving earlier & driving separately.  He was to usher both services & I was orchestrating the second Sunday of our Connection Group Parade & Fair.  Both went totally fine but that meant that we were already separated more in our day than usual so the tiff had to sit.

Once the parade was over for the 10:45 service, I left to treat myself to Starbucks since I was to be back for a Fine Arts meeting with Zachary.  With my free reward, I decided to get my old normal: venti soy chai with light ice...I swear, they must hate me because...

It's literally every time and so if I ever order it again, I am fully prepared to say "venti soy chai with only 6 ice cubes" 😆

I made it back to church for the Fine Arts meeting.  Up until this meeting, Zachary had planned to work with Pastor Austin in the "unconventional percussion" category.  During the meeting, however, Pastor Ben Rainey asked Z if he was going to do a short sermon and that was all it took.  He had gotten on the platform during youth one night to give a little spiel about his devotion and really loved it.  I was surprised at how confident he seemed up there and how steady his speech was but I never thought more of it.  I'm excited for him to push himself in this new way! This week, his goal is to narrow down a few different scriptures that he'd like to "preach" on!

After the fine arts meeting, I had a plan up my sleeve but since I technically wasn't offering too much information to Tom at the moment...I decided to go ahead and execute on my own.  I went to Tractor Supply & Petco for the supplies I was going to need.  They didn't carry exactly what I was looking for so I will need to go to CFC tomorrow.

I drove home and we all had lunch.  Then Tom & I had a really good heart to heart - I love us in that way.  Once we've had some time and space to think and consider each other, we always have the best conversations.  And generally, at some point...God points out just what we both need to hear (hint: today's scripture).

Once we were back to normal, I asked Tom if he wanted in on my plan - I've actually been planning it for 2 weeks but today was the day I got to make it happen!  He of course, like all of my wild & reckless ideas, was all in!  We loaded up Stormy the Burban & threw our trusty dog crate in the back and headed to Nokesville where we were picking up, Moo!

Moo is a miniature pot belly/Julianna pig!! She's about 4 months old and her dad is 70lbs full grown & her mom is 60lbs full grown!  She's a pet only & will be living with our bunny for now until she's trained and can roam the land!  I picked the name "Moo" because 1. she looks like a cow and 2. it's a cute little inside joke in our family.

We drove down 28 and ended up at Moo-Thru...for dinner.  So see, the day ended way sweeter than it started!  Right now, I'm snuggled up with my youngest & oldest men listening to the wind blow!

Colossians 3:18-21

Wives, submit to your husbands in a way that is appropriate in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and don’t be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, because this pleases the Lord.

Parents, don’t provoke your children in a way that ends up discouraging them.

So many people get this scripture all wrong and I admit, I once had such a hard time with the word "submit" but it's not meant "to bow down to their every command" or that somehow wives are inferior to their husbands.  Instead it means more like having an attitude of cooperating and the husbands are called to spiritually be worthy of such an attitude.  

I've seen both sides of the argument.  Women shouldn't feel threatened by this verse just as men shouldn't use it demand power.

m a t t h e w 1 7 : 2 1

January 18, 2020:

Jude cried when he woke up this morning and saw that it had in fact snowed.  This is not his typical response, however, I had explained to him yesterday that his party might be postponed because of bad weather.  We evaluated and decided that we would continue with our plans and let our visitors decide if they could make the trip.  Jude helped decorate his own cake & cupcakes and was very please with the superhero toppers that came in the mail yesterday! He stuck the good guys on top and he shoved the bad guys into the side of the cake 😂.  

Jude will be the host of the family, he thrives on interactions with others and craves being around others.

The entire day was spent prepping for the party & then enjoying the party & then enjoying friends after the party.  When I asked him what his favorite part of the day was, he replied "all of it!"

We want to thank everyone who came and loved on our boy to make him feel the most special!

Here are a few pics and a video of the day! 

My original devotion for today was supposed to be Matthew 17:21 "However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting."

Buuuut, I read something additional in my Bible App devotion that goes more along with my word for the year: GRACE

Romans 14:19-21 msg
"So let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other.  Help others with encouraging 

words; don't drag them down by finding fault.  You're certainly not going to permit an argument over 

what is served or not served at supper to wreck God's work among you, are you? I said it before and 

I'll say it again: All food is good, but it can turn bad if you use it badly, if you use it to trip others up 

and send them sprawling.  When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed 

your own face but to share the life of Jesus.  So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are 

eating.  Don't eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love."

Be right back, I'm going to go write this on my mirror.

1 c o r i n t h i a n s 6 : 1 2 - 1 3

January 17, 2020:

Just a short recap of the last couple of days.  Wednesday, I woke up violently ill...like haven't been that sick since, idk, ever?  I thought I was dying and gave in to Jude having 15 minutes of television.  Jesus has forgiven me 😆

Thursday was spent recovering and with some time in the office! I'm so grateful to be in this season of life where the heaviness of teaching is being lifted and I can truly enjoy work and the people I work with.  It feels good to breathe again.

Today, Friday, is another day in the office!  I had a brief come to Jesus moment with our printer but all has gone smoothly otherwise and I'm excited for the weekend!  Tomorrow is supposed to be Jude's 5th birthday party though and they're calling for terrible weather :( Praying against that today!

I did have a sweet conversation in the dark quietness with Z while we waited for the bus this morning where he admitted to me that he's enjoying how his brain feels without devices 😱.  He admitted that having the restriction has helped him to be more creative and see his environment differently 🙌

I've also been obsessed with Way Maker by Leeland, if you haven't heard it do yourself a favor and listen!

1 Corinthians 6:12-13

Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.

You know the old saying, “First you eat to live, and then you live to eat”? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that’s no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!

m a t t h e w 1 7 : 2 0

January 14, 2020 - Day 2

Today was rainy...again.  I'm quite over the rain.  I'm over the mud.  I'm over having mud in the mudroom.  I'm over muddy paw prints on the hardwoods and a dirty white dog who refuses to chill in her doghouse instead of rolling around in the mud.  Heading down to feed the animals is a mudslide, I slipped and busted my rear last week so now I'm pretty much boycotting even being outside.  It's January, all precipitation should be snow.  I would trade it all though for permanent 70s like we had a few days ago.

I had a ton of chores to get done today that were put off last week.  Laundry, floors, bathrooms, pantry - most of it got done but I struggled to stay motivated.  Jude and I worked on some Kindergarten math and finished a superhero puzzle.

Last night, I started reading friendish by Kelly Needham.  So far it's hit some pretty intense feelings with me and I've only gotten through 18 pages. "Adam was alone in the Garden, he was not lonely...After their forbidden-fruit tasting, Adam and Eve willingly withdrew from God by hiding from him, and they withdrew from one another by pointing fingers.  Adam was no long alone, but he was lonely.  Sin separates.  Sin destroys fellowship.  Sin creates loneliness."

I also realized today that since Embrace Grace is starting up next week, I have to have some connection with social media - I've received some messages and will need to respond if any more pop up.  I'm trying to figure out how to balance using social media for work and not for any entertainment - it's a struggle!  Emails just don't seem to be a typical form of communication anymore.

Today, I'm praying for direction.  I have spoken to those close with me but while I love this new season of being mostly home with Jude, I still struggle with my identity & identifying my passion.  Since I could talk, I always answered "teacher" when asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  I don't think I'm completely removed from the classroom but I also don't have a desire to return to what I left.  I feel like I'm coming out of this massive funk that the education system put me in.  I desire it to be better but also realize that the politics of it all are hard to change.

I took the Holland Code Career Test online today and out of 6 interest areas, I scored a 100% in the helping category. "Helping jobs involve assisting, teaching, coaching, and serving other people.  Helpers like working in cooperative environments to improve the lives of others." Shocker.

Matthew 17:20
“Because you have little faith,” he said. “I assure you that if you have faith the size of a 

mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Go from here to there,’ and it will go. There 

will be nothing that you can’t do.”

r o m a n s 1 2 : 1 - 2

January 13, 2020 - DAY 1:

Fasting is a deliberate abstinence from physical gratification—usually going without food for a period of time—to achieve a greater spiritual goal. Fasting is intentionally denying the flesh in order to gain a response from the spirit. It means renouncing the natural in order to invoke the supernatural.

As a family, we decided to fast television & electronic devices (for entertainment).  God really laid it on my heart that while we have restrictions in place for using devices for entertainment, it still was a crutch for us to "escape" from one another or blocking us from using our creative abilities but most importantly it was getting in the way of our relationship with God.

I'm going to use this blog to talk about how we used our time away from television, movies, video games & social media (for mom & dad).  I'm going to document our prayers and any movement from The Holy Spirit.

Today was Jude's 5th birthday & a super hard day not to dive into the facebook world to post all the cute and funny things he has said today about his birthday:

• "Let the big boy do it"
• "I just can't believe I'm 5 today"
• "I don't feel any different than yesterday"
• "Do I look bigger, mommy?"
• "Can I pack my backpack for big school now?"

As most of you know, he has been obsessed with his birthday since he could speak and today is no different.  He has such an absolute joy about him and I remember very clearly being concerned that he was just born grumpy.  He came out mean-mugging and for the first couple of months, nothing seemed to make him happy.

Thank goodness that isn't who he is today.  He is so eager to learn, be social, be loved & give love.  He is always down for anything, especially when it includes his big brothers.

This morning, I had a staff meeting at church.  Typically, Jude would take his device & a movie and veg out in the kid's room solo.  He's never been a bother and always happy to entertain himself but I was worried that today without a movie or device that I would be interrupted repeatedly.  As I was giving him the pep talk this morning about packing a lot of activities & toys for the day, he looks at me sincerely and as nice as he could told me "I don't like what you decided."  I told him, that's exactly the point but that we would use our big boy brains to come up with stuff to do.

He did beautifully! Not one peep (except for requesting assistance in the restroom)! 

Once our staff meeting was over, I treated him & myself to lunch where he told everyone who would listen that today was his birthday 😆.  

After lunch, we delivered love boxes to a local OB-GYN & The Birthing Center at Fauquier Health.  When we walked into the birthing center, Jude was curious "if this was a doctor's office" so I got to explain to him that 5 years ago that's where he was born!  Very cool moment! 

The big boys got off the bus & immediately started playing with the animals & riding their bikes. Not one mention of a television show or a grumble about finding something to do!  I'm sure this is the honeymoon phase but for day 1, I'm considering this a win!

Romans 12:1-2

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.