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January 28, 2020:

I feel very restless today.  Without purpose.  Without direction.  I sit here with blank thoughts and uncertainty.  I know it's a mood but there's some truth at its root.  For the first time...probably ever, I'm not working toward an earthly goal of advancement and I'm not sure what to do with that.

I googled "mellow Christian music" to help me chill my spazz and a playlist on Spotify popped up.  I didn't pay attention to the lyrics of the second song at first and was about to skip it when I realized he was singing: "I give myself away, so You can use me" repeatedly.  I replayed the song again and the tears just started coming.  So now it's on repeat and has played 5 times now.  This song is my prayer tonight.  Lord use me for your will and show me what that looks like (a flashing billboard would be great 😉) 💗

I Give Myself Away - William McDowell

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Here I am
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

I give myself away (I want to be use by you)
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

I give myself away (I give myself away)
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

I give myself away (I give myself away)
I belong to you I give myself away
(I give myself away)
So You can use me
Lord I give myself away I give myself away (my mind doesn't belong to me) I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Oh oh my life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own (my life is not my own) it belongs to you
To you I belong (so I give myself)
I give myself, I give myself to you

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)

I give myself away
My life is not my own
To you I belong (I give myself away)
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)

I give myself away (my life is not my own)
To you I belong (I give myself away)
I give myself, I give myself to you (so You can use me)