j o s h u a 2 3 : 1 0

January 22, 2020:

I am for sure all over the place with these blog posts lol.  I thought by this point there would be a clear understanding of why I feel so strongly to blog daily during this time.  However, it is mostly just ramblings of our day.  Today, though...today is a good one.  I hope you'll stick around for it.

For most of the day, everything was just our daily routine.  Jude and I ran errands, cleaned a little of the house and got dinner started early since today was another night for me to be away.

Once dinner was done, Zach & I headed out to Walmart to grab a few things for Vertical tonight.  We beelined it directly to the two sections in the store, grabbed our stuff and was heading to check out...bing bang boom.  Except...I realized that I hadn't gone to the restroom since that morning and there was absolutely no holding it...I had to use the public restroom 💀.

I handed over the few things to Z and did my thing.  When I came out of the bathroom, I looked over to the bench I had left him on only to see our items laying there, but no Z.  A panic erupted and I glanced in front of me to get the cashier's attention and that's when I saw him.  He was assisting the cashier by bagging an elderly woman's items.  I picked up the things from the bench and got in line behind the lady and when she was done, he came over to stand beside me.  I gave him a hug & told him that was very sweet.  He whispered in my ear that she was the second lady he helped and the first lady had given him a tip and he pulled out the $5 bill 😮.

We finished checking out and talked about his experience.  He put a few carts away as we left the building 😉.

Fast forward to Vertical...Pastor Austin prayed over the offering & passed the basket around.  When it got to Z, I watched him not hesitate and put his $5 in the basket.  He looked back to see if I had saw but I quickly looked away.  He still doesn't know that I know.

At the end of the sermon, PA did an alter call as worship sang "Waymaker. Miracle Worker. Promise Keeper. Light in the Darkness. My God. That is who you are...Even when I don't see it, You're working. Even when I can't feel it, You're working. You never stop, You never stop working. You never stop, You never stop working."

Zachary went down for prayer and got on his knees.  PA went over and prayed over him and then one of Z's friends knelt down beside him and let him know that he was right beside him.  

I heard God say "It's ok.  It's all ok.  I've got it, even when you don't feel like you do." And this overwhelming peace came over me as the tears slide down my face.

I have been so intentional about changing my parenting mindset bc every single night I berate myself for the things I missed, the moments ruined or the frustrations I let take over.  I was convinced that my children would all be speaking to a therapist about me in the not so distant future.  But He's got this...and...He's got them.  Even when I didn't think I had it.  He's working, even when I don't see it.  Even when I don't feel it.  He fights for me and he fights for you.

The enemy does and will continue to throw things at us and use guilt to make us hold onto how we react/behave but listen to me because I KNOW this to be true.  God has ALREADY won and IS victorious over the enemy and that my friends, gives us authority to put the enemy in his place.  We don't have to stay dragged down.  If it's not good, then it's not done.

Joshua 23:10

A single one of you puts a thousand to flight. This is because the LORD your God fights for you, exactly as he promised you.